A HINDU MARRIAGE

A Hindu marriage is a sacred step in one’s spiritual growth and not considered to be merely a binding contract. The wife is an equal part of the union and is called the ‘Ardhangini’ (half part of her husband) like Goddess Parvati who is the ardhangini of Lord Shiva. No religious ritual is permitted to be performed by a man without his wife. No man or woman’s life is believed to be complete without marriage. It is held as one of sacred sixteen sanskaras or sacraments. It is not just a bond between two people but also between two families.

All the rituals performed as part of a Hindu wedding are symbolic. The wedding ceremony takes place before Agni (the God of Fire), in the presence of Devas (Gods) and Brahmins. Agni personifies the power and light of God. On one side of the fire is a pot of water for purification and on the other side is a flat stone. The ceremony commences with prayers being offered to Ganesha (Ganapati) or the ‘Vighnaharta’ (remover of obstacles), so that all following rituals take place without a hitch. The Pancha Mahabhootas (five elements) and Navagrahas (nine planets) are prayed to. The instruments to be used for the rituals such as the Kalash, Ghanti (bell), Niranjan (lamp) are also sanctified and blessed. All of these are the preamble to the actual ceremony.

At the beginning of the ceremony, the father of the bride gives away his daughter (symbolic of Goddess Lakshmi) to the groom (symbolic of Lord Vishnu). This part of the ceremony is called Kanyadaan (the giving away of a daughter). Kanyadaan is considered the highest form of ‘daan’ and brings great spiritual merit to the parents of the bride. The mantra that is chanted is the same that was first recited by King Janaka while giving away his daughter Sita in marriage to Lord Rama –

“This Sita, my daughter, will be your helpmate in discharging your religious obligations. Take her hand in yours and make her your own. She will be your alter ego, ever devoted to you. She is blessed and will be as inseparable from you as your shadow.”

The next ceremony is the ‘Paanigrahana’. The bride’s hand s handed over to the groom (by the maternal uncle, in some communities). Holding the bride’s hand in his, the groom says “You are my Queen and shall rule over my home. You are the Samaveda and I am the Rigveda (implying that they are a part of one another). I am heaven and you are the earth.” This is the groom’s pledge to his wife. The couple goes around the fire and water thrice while the groom is saying these words (or a Pandit / Purohit is saying them on his behalf). They then touch each other’s hearts while the groom says “Your heart I take in mine. Whatever is in your heart shall be in mine. Whatever is in mine shall be in yours. Our hearts shall be as one, our minds shall be as one. May God make us one.” The bride then stands on the stone next to the fire. This is a symbol of the strength of their union.

The couple then take the ‘Saptapadi’ or seven steps together during which the groom prays, “With the first steps for food and sustenance, with the second step for strength, with the third step for keeping our vows and ideals, with the fourth step for a comfortable life, with the fifth step for the welfare of our cattle (livestock), with the sixth step for forbearance in our life together through all seasons and with the seventh step for love and friendship which should guide our common path.” Then the bride places her right foot onto a stone (the shila in the shilarohana ceremony) “Be like a rock. Those who cause or seek hostility, be firm with them. Discard disorderliness, you have entered your husband’s house. The Pitrukula (paternal family) has been left behind. Avoid any envy or bitterness.” Walking hand in hand, taking seven steps together is symbolic of their lives together as man and wife, and equally, as close friends. The bride then prays to Agni to witness the marriage and for the prosperity of her new home. Water is sipped by the couple to wash away impurities and to start a new life.

On the wedding night the groom is shown Dhruva (the Pole star) and asked to be as unmoving and constant in his love and devotion as the child Dhruva was to Lord Vishnu (for which reason he was made into the Pole star or Dhruva tara after his death). The bride is shown the stars Vashishtha and Arundhati (part of the Great Bear constellation known as the Saptarishis or Seven sages in Indian astrology). They are symbolic of a devoted couple who are never separated and are always seen together in the skies.

The Dhruva tara (Pole star) can only be seen in the Northern hemisphere and cannot be seen in Australia and New Zealand. Therefore beware of the ignorant Pandit who, while chanting the mantras like a parrot and mostly without understanding the meaning, follows this part of the ritual. Al other customs such as tying of the Mangalsutra or Thali, the mangalashtakas, putting sindoor on the hair parting of the bride, exchanging garlands etc. are purely local and social customs and are not essential to the marriage ceremony. The presence of Agni (the Fire God) and the Saptapadi (seven steps) are the basic essentials of a Hindu wedding.

The word ‘Vivaha’ meaning marriage also means that which sustains Dharma or Righteousness. It is realized that to make a marriage successful is difficult and requires great sacrifices and compromises from both husband and wife and thereby helps develops their character. It is the householder (husband) who has to practice and enforce right conduct (Dharma), earn material wealth (Artha) and permit himself a life of love and passion (Kama) with his wife and thus attain salvation (Moksha).

With marriage begins the second stage of one’s life – that of a Grihastha or householder. Please note that it is of paramount importance that the person conducting the ceremony (priest or pandit) explains in detail the meaning of the chants and rituals being performed so that their significance in the Grihastha stage of their lives is clear to the bride and the groom. Amongst my clients and friends (all my clients become my friends), and their children who have got married, almost none have had the rituals and ceremony of marriage explained to them. Do you know anyone who has? The priest or Pandit would be failing in their duty if they conduct the ceremony with one eye to the clock and the other to the Dakshina and will be answerable to Brahma and his accountant Chitragupta upon their departure from this world.

This article is a humble effort to help people understand the significance and importance of the meaning of a Hindu wedding and the underlying divine message contained therein.

Capt. Shekhar Vadke